At the beginning of the year, I told you all what I wanted my goals for this year to be. I wanted to lose 52 pounds, I wanted to improve my blogging, and I wanted to feel better in my home. So here is a quick update on those goals.
I’m going to be honest here, there were some drawbacks. I feel like for as common as the goal of weight loss can be, it doesn’t lessen how difficult getting the motivation to start is! Because of a bruised heel, a cold, and overall lack of motivation, I didn’t lose anything this quarter…yeah, not fun to admit that, BUT I did learn a lot about setting goals and how much motivation plays a part and what I can do to become more motivated.
Part of what I learned was how to visualize myself as a healthy person. Every morning I’ve been meditating thinking of how I would look and feel 52lbs less than I am. I think of what I’d wear, what I’d eat, and what I’d do for exercise, and it started to work! I started feeling more motivated, and I even created a workout routine for myself at the gym which I now go to Monday, Wednesday, and Friday! I’ve also started drinking more water and being a bit more aware of what I’m eating and drinking and making small changes to be a bit better. I’m starting to realize that this is a journey. No matter how much we would love to find a “Get Thin Fast” or “Get Rich Quick” scheme that actually works, it would sabotage learning about who you are as a person and that’s the whole point of life. I’m learning that I don’t like obligations. The idea that I HAVE to go to the gym or SHOULD to eat healthy killed me! Instead, I’m trying to shift my thinking into “I’m healthy, and I’m healthy because I’ve designed a workout I look forward to doing. If I don’t like a certain move, or if I feel more like going for a nice walk than being at the gym, then that’s what I do”…There is NO “Should’s” or “Have to’s” in my workout plan!
I’m also learning that my weight was the result of being hurt. It was an actual PHYSICAL SHIELD PROTECTING MY HEART!!!! Being stalked (which you can read more about HERE) really messed me up and I coped with that by eating. I overate and that was an unhealthy coping technique. It also gave power to these jerks who were/ are hurting me, and frankly, they don’t deserve that level of control over me. So with the help of my wonderful therapist, I’ve started to take back my life. First, I had to acknowledge the pain that caused my overeating and not be mean to myself!!! I had to acknowledge how bad being stalked hurt me and that no one deserves that kind of treatment! I can’t tell you how bad my mental self-talk can be at times, and what I’m currently trying to do is to remind myself that calling myself fat, or being mean with my mental talk is NOT HELPFUL!!! It doesn’t make me feel good, it doesn’t make me want to take care of myself and in fact, IT MADE ME WANT TO EAT MORE!!!! This is something I’m still working on, but knowing is half the battle right?
Secondly, when I’m hungry I think about why that is. I ask myself if anything stressful happened to cause it, or is it just because it’s a normal time to eat, and even then I’m trying to make sure I don’t turn to my usual “comfort” foods like mac n’ cheese, and I’ve started exploring salads like THIS ONE, which I’m currently head over heels for!!! So this goal isn’t sidelined, just in processes but with an upward trend!
Oh my God, guys!!! I have so many of YOU to thank for helping me with this goal!!!!! THANK YOU!!!! This goal has probably made the biggest improvement so far! In the past, I blogged “occasionally” meaning once or twice a month I guess (if that). I didn’t really have a fan base or regular readers. I didn’t have any real vision for where I wanted this blog to go, or what I wanted it to become. I didn’t have an editorial calendar, I wasn’t committed, I didn’t want to talk about it etc. Part of this was because I didn’t really think I was allowed to have a job I loved! One thing I can distinctly remember my dad talking about was how “Life was working to make someone else rich until you died”. WOW, that’s a pretty negative outlook right?!?!? I love blogging, and I love art and YouTubing and all of that, but I felt because I love doing this stuff and being my own boss, that it wasn’t a “real” job and THAT right there, was why I didn’t take it seriously.
Again, with the help of my therapist, we started talking about why I couldn’t love my job! There’s a saying that “If you do something you love, you never work a day in your life” because it doesn’t feel like work! So I started really thinking about that at the beginning of this year. I knew I wanted to be a blogger and I wanted this to turn into a business I love to wake up to every day! I started treating it like a job. I started researching what it took to make a successful blog, I’d spend hours thinking up ideas, and then I learned how to make an editorial calendar to keep me on track! I use Google Analytics to monitor how well my posts are doing, I signed up for some ads to make some extra cash, I learned how to make YouTube videos, I learned how to expand my social media to reach more people! It’s been FUN!!!!
and it all came from a simple shift in perspective that I was worth having a job I love! And for those of you struggling, I’d like to pass that on to you too, you’re worth having a job you love, living a life you love, and being loved! Start believing it and see what happens!!!!
The only downside with this is that I’m still having trouble finding a blogging community. Facebook groups have been okay, but not as active as I was hoping…So if anyone else has any suggestions on other places I could try, please let me know! I’d really appreciate it! Also, if YOU have a blog please let me know! I’d love to connect with other bloggers!
This goal is also still in process, but making progress. My first post this year, I explained how being stalked in my neighborhood and in my home greatly affected how I felt not just internally, but externally.
I saw my home as a battleground and a place where I was a caged animal that could be poked and prodded with no way to defend myself, and I really wanted to take my house back. Ironically, blogging and therapy have helped quite a bit.
Blogging has caused me to expand what I do. Last year at this time I was hiding in my home with all the shades drawn. It was so dark all the time because I was tired of the USPS mail carriers in my area driving by and recording me with their phones! I was so so sad! But my blog kind of forced me to think about what I wanted to do if they didn’t matter (because they don’t!), the more I thought about what I would do if this wasn’t a problem, the more ideas I had and the stronger my motivation got to actually go and enjoy my life again!!! I started to take steps to celebrate my life and take back my power!
I’ve been learning that I have control over how I feel and that includes how I feel in my surroundings. The people stalking and harassing me, want me to feel bad about myself, and I’m sure they’d love to make me move, but they don’t have the power over any of those things…I do though. I control how I want my surroundings to be! Not only has that realization become a place of empowerment, but it’s also made me realize that they’re not as big and strong as they’d like me to believe! I have more power than they do because I decide how I want to feel, and how I want to live, and how I want to be in my home!
So I’ve made certain to ENJOY my home more, which includes cooking and filming in my kitchen for YouTube videos and working in other areas of my house other than my office and leaving my windows open so I can look out and enjoy the nice view I have and the sunlight! I’ve also been meditating every morning about how I want to feel in my home. I imagine having good experiences. I think of cooking meals in my kitchen without fear of being recorded. I imagine sitting on my porch during the summer and enjoying my container garden or having my friends over for party’s and those meditations have been helping CONSIDERABLY. I still have a long way to go in feeling completely confident, but I feel like I’m well on my way!
So that’s the quick update for my goals. How have you been doing with your goals? And if you have any advice for where I can find an active blogging community or if you have a blog yourself you’d like me to check out, please let me know in the comments below. If you would like to be notified when I post again please SIGN UP for email notifications and if you would like exclusive content into my life then feel free to follow my social media’s listed on the sidebar! Have a wonderful day and keep shooting for your goals!!!! -Heather Astaneh